Present, not perfect

‘Present not perfect’ are words that have been on my mind lately. It’s how perfection or wanting something to be perfect keeps us from being present. 

Last month, I was thinking about skills I wanted to add back to my life, and one that came up was running. I used to run several days a week for years. When I would run, I would focus on my breathing, my body, the road ahead, and my music. This was my time--my time where I would be present in the moment. I called it my meditation. 

However, after a small injury, I stopped running and never got back into the same groove I had. And over time, I stopped running altogether. I would periodically think of it over the years, and go out for a run here and there, but never made an attempt to include it back into my daily routine but I knew I missed it. 

This left me wondering why I was resisting running. If I knew it brought me joy, why was I procrastinating going for a run? 

And here is what I was saying to myself:

• “What if I am so slow that it looks like I am just walking fast?”

• “What if I don’t like running anymore?”

• “What if I don’t run that far?”

• “What if it’s not a perfect run?”

• “What if someone in their car sees me run and says ‘wow, look at that slow woman try to run’?”

These were my thoughts! I am laughing now as I write them (especially that last one). But honestly, the doubt and worry that it wasn’t going to be a “perfect” run made me feel anxious and kept me from doing something I wanted to do again. 

After seeing my thoughts staring back at me, I realized how distorted they were and I started to challenge them. I probably will be slow. It is definitely not going to be a “perfect run”, and if I ran 50 feet or a mile, no one would care. And if someone did say “look at that slowpoke trying to run” why would that matter? I wasn’t going on a run for anyone else other than for me. 

Looking at my thoughts, challenging them, and getting back to why I wanted to run in the first place, helped soften my perfectionist tendencies and put the kibosh on those negative thoughts. 

Reframing my negative thoughts and getting back to the “why” helped me get my running shoes on, and myself out the door. I will say that those thoughts fluttered through my mind as I took my first few steps, but they didn’t stop me and before I knew it, I was fully present running and enjoying every second. 

This month, I have been on three runs, and I have felt happy with each one. I am slow, I have had some side cramps, and I’ve had to periodically walk, nothing close to whatever perfect might be, but I am so proud of myself for trying. I decided to make Friday’s my outside adventure time where I donate 20 minutes to walk, run, and be present. 

I’m sharing this with you because if you want things to be perfect or you fear that they won’t be, this frame of mind can rob you of experiences, enjoyment, adventures, and being present. When you focus on perfection, you lose the meaning of why you want to do something. I wasn’t running for perfection or to become an elite athlete. I was running because it made me happy. When I returned to that, I could see how perfectionism showed me a very distorted and unhelpful view. 

If you get stuck in self-doubt or have perfectionistic thinking, start by writing down your thoughts in a journal. When you see what you’re saying to yourself, it can be a bit easier to see where the distortion is and challenge it. 

Next, ask yourself why you want to do that one thing perfectionism or self-doubt is keeping you from. Why is it important to you? When you focus on why you want something, it shifts your attention to more positive thoughts and helps you get back into the present moment. 

A Year in Reflection

I can imagine many of you are waiting eagerly to ditch 2020 to the curb and welcome 2021, hoping for less drama and way more stability. If you are, I’m with you: Yes, please! 

But before we say goodbye to a year that was loaded with difficulties, I think it’s important to do a bit of reflection. 

Reflection is a very helpful skill because it allows you to see where you were, how far you’ve come, and where you’re looking to go next. It creates a moment to pause and acknowledge your emotional growth. 

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help jump-start your reflection: 

• What skills have you learned this year? 

• What helped you manage the stressors you faced?

• What were the stressful moments you predicted, and which moments caught you off guard?

• How did you get through those moments? 

• What skills were helpful for you? 

• What did you learn about yourself? 

• Knowing what you know now, would you do anything differently? 

Taking some time to reflect on these questions allows you to see all the work you’ve done. When we are flying by the seat of our pants and just trying to get by, we don’t usually think of pulling over and acknowledging how strong, resilient, and courageous we are. Reflecting can help notice your successes as well as help you grow from your mistakes. We all learn by doing, so knowing where you thrived and where you could have done better can only build your confidence for next time. 

When I’m faced with challenges, I tend to think about something my dad used to say to me when I was in college and my emotions were flying high. He’d say “Angie, with every problem there is an opportunity for growth.” I found this very calming: Knowing that, even if stuff was hitting the fan, I’d at least learn something about myself and emotionally grow from it helped keep me grounded. Now I know why. It’s because being able to reflect creates opportunities to acknowledge growth. 

2020 certainly laid the challenges on thick, and maybe you think you’d rather not revisit all that. But before the New Year, I encourage you to reflect and write down your successes and what coping strategies helped you. 

Having this data will give you a moment to celebrate and also help you move through future challenges with more ease. You’ll know what strategies helped you, and you’ll have the knowledge that, even when faced with challenges, you had successes. 

And as my holiday gift to you, I’ve put all my stress management products on sale until December 31! Just use the code Holiday2020 at checkout to receive 20% off your order. Here’s to the last month of 2020! 

As always, I am sending good energy your way.

Featured in RedFin

Don’t miss the recent Redfin article I was featured in: “Experts Reveal How to Create a More Productive Home Office Setup this Winter”

As many of us continue to work from home this winter, you may be looking for creative ways to stay productive during the colder months. Before, we were able to take advantage of the warmer weather, go on a quick walk outside, and had plenty of sunlight pouring into our home office setup. But as the sun begins to set earlier and the cold temperatures are here to stay, staying motivated may become more of a challenge. The good news is, there are plenty of ways to combat the winter gloom and boost your productivity as you work from home.

Redfin reached out to me, along with other top productivity experts, for our advice to help make your home office setup a more productive work environment. So whether you’re living in snowy Detroit or rainy Seattle, these expert tips are guaranteed to help make your home office a place of inspiration and motivation. Check out what we had to say. My commentary is towards the bottom of the article.

Experts Reveal How to Create a More Productive Home Office Setup this Winter