There's often a moment when parents quietly look forward to it. The milestone everyone talks about as if it's the key to an easier phase. More sleep, freedom and less worries. You imagine a wave of relief washing over you when it finally comes.
But then it does come. And instead of relief, you feel tense, tired and a little disappointed in yourself for all the mixed emotions.
No one ever really warns you about that part.
The Frustrating Expectation Gap Nobody Warns You About
Parenting milestones are often talked about as if they're finish lines. You get there and everything is instantly better. Life levels up and you're on to the next thing.
But the truth is, real life just doesn't work like that.
Most milestones arrive in a messy, incomplete and uneven way. One step forward, two sideways, one step back. And when your expectations are set on relief, that mess can feel like a total failure.
You might find yourself thinking, "Why on earth is this still so bloody hard?" Even when you know, in the back of your head, that progress is actually happening. That gap between what you expected and what's really happening is where all the frustration lives.
Progress Doesn't Feel The Way We Imagination It Will
Before you become a parent, or even when you're at the start of this journey, progress sounds clean-cut. Learn a skill, master it, done. But children don't learn in straight lines. They try, they test, they regress, they get tired and overwhelmed. And often, so do you.
It's the milestones that require you to be consistent when you're already running on empty that can be especially tricky. You've got to manage your child's emotions, and your own, all on very little sleep. That's a tall ask.
When Effort Increases Before Things Get Easier
One of the hardest things about certain milestones is that they often demand more from you before they start to get any easier. You're watching more closely, cleaning more, repeating yourself more and just about managing to keep a smile on your face as you count how many times you've already explained the same thing today.
For many parents, the nightmare that is potty training issues is a prime example. The effort you put in just gets more and more, while the reward feels like it's stuck on the horizon. It's normal to feel frustrated when the effort curve spikes, not dips.
The Emotional Weight Of Getting It "Right"
And then there's the pressure. Advice from all directions, comparisons you never asked for, and all the well-meaning comments that only serve to make you feel like you're doing something wrong. You start to wonder if you're pushing too hard or not hard enough. And every little wobble can feel like proof that you're not quite doing it right.
That pressure can make frustration a whole lot sharper. You're not just dealing with the task itself, but with the fear of messing it up for good. That fear is heavy.
Children Feel The Tension Too
Kids are incredibly sensitive. Even when they can't put their finger on it, they know when you're feeling frustrated. They pick up on your tone, your posture and your impatience. When a milestone becomes a battleground, both sides feel it. Your child may be resistant not because they can't do the thing, but because the emotional atmosphere feels charged.
And that resistance can just make frustration worse. You feel like you're stuck in a loop, with the more you want progress the more it slips away.
Breaking that cycle often starts with softening your expectations, not ratcheting up the pressure.
It's Okay To Feel Frustrated - You're Not A Failure
It's really important to say this out loud: feeling frustrated doesn't mean you're failing as a parent. It means you're human, and that you genuinely care. Frustration shows up when the outcome matters to you, and when you're trying to guide someone else through something they don't really get yet.
Many of the milestones that bring the most frustration are also the ones that teach us patience, flexibility and trust - not just for the children, but for ourselves too.
Ditching The Notion Of A Finish Line
One thing that can help is to stop thinking of milestones as endpoints, and start thinking of them as phases. Transitional spaces, rather than destinations.
Instead of asking, "When will this finally be over?" it can be helpful to ask, "What does support look like right now?" That shift won't eliminate frustration entirely, but it might just make it more manageable.
You stop chasing relief, and start looking for steadiness instead.
Small Wins Deserve More Credit Than We Give Them
When you're in the middle of frustration, it's easy to overlook the progress that's not exactly dramatic. A calmer reaction than yesterday, a shorter setback, a moment of cooperation when there was none before... these all matter.
They may not be the big, tidy progress we're used to, but they're signs that learning is happening, even if it's at a glacial pace.
Acknowledging these small wins can help soften the emotional load, even on the hard days.
You Can Feel Both Things At Once
You can be proud and frustrated at the same time. You can love your child deeply and feel exhausted by the process. You can celebrate progress while wishing it were easier.
Those two feelings don't cancel each other out.Some parenting milestones can be major sources of frustration - & that's exactly what makes them so tough. They put a burden on both of you - it's not a solo act. And let's be honest, growth rarely seems to come easily, does it? There's usually some level of discomfort involved, for both of you.
The relief that does come often sneaks up on you, a little later than you anticipated
For a lot of parents, relief does eventually arrive. But it's rarely when you expect it to. It's usually a slow build-up - one day you get to a point where you barely even think about the milestone anymore. It's just another part of the day-to-day.
Looking back, it all makes sense. That frustration was just part of the process - it didn't mean anything had gone wrong.
Parenting milestones aren't something to be won & celebrated. They're just markers of progress - changes that happen over time. And some of them can be pretty tough going - slow, narrow & emotionally draining.
If you're in one of those tricky spots right now, don't worry about being behind. Just focus on the fact that you're in the midst of it. & that, as hard as it can be to see right now, is actually just part of the job of raising a human.