When Stress and Anxiety Morph into Depression

Recently, several people have shared with me that they feel they aren’t getting the same enjoyment out of things as they used to. Every day feels the same; even talking to friends has felt boring because nothing new is happening. 

The pandemic-fueled isolation that once felt like strong anxiety and stress is now growing into a sense of sadness and depression.

Sadness and depression can make us feel weighed down (emotionally and physically).

We might feel like we have to move mountains to do basic chores, doing things we typically enjoyed may no longer give us the same satisfaction, and sleep and appetite can suffer too. 

I wanted to share one skill I often recommend to those feeling stuck in challenging emotions. It’s a method that can be done in small steps with the goal of getting you to a better-feeling place. 

It’s called Opposite Action. 

Opposite action means that you engage in doing the exact opposite of what your mood is telling you to do. 

If depression is telling you: “Stay inside! It’s too much effort to go out for a walk or see anyone safely” or sadness is telling you: “Why shower? You aren’t going out anyway, so who cares?” and you listen to them, the more sad and depressed you will feel overall. 

It often feels easiest to listen to these thoughts, and we convince ourselves that we’re just avoiding stress and anxiety. But the more you listen to that sad and depressed voice, the more that negative mood grows. 

So how do you begin practicing the opposite action skill? 

Opposite action is about doing small things that help move you in the opposite direction from your negative mood. So first, you can make a list of all the things you could do instead of taking the action (or inaction) that voice is suggesting. And then try to do at least one of those things on the list. 

For example, if you know getting outside might help your mood, think about each step you need to take to get out the door. Your list might include: Get up. Put on socks, shoes, and a jacket. Get a mask, keys, and wallet. And finally: Open the door and step outside. When you see this action in steps, it can become less overwhelming. One small (and very conquerable) step leads to another. 

The overwhelming feelings of stress, depression, anxiety can lead to bigger problems. For instance, some people may turn to substance misuse to experience temporary highs that relieve mental health issues. If you’re experiencing anything like this, Forrest Behavioral Health could be able to help. Taking these small actions like going outside for a short walk can help.

Instead of feeling depressed and isolated, you can feel a little less depressed and be outside around others. Though it may not change your mood immediately, continually taking these opposite actions will help you feel less depressed over time. 

Opposite action allows you to take care of what you really need instead of listening to that negative mood. When you tend to yourself while still feeling sad, you start gaining control over how you feel. And, ultimately, you will start to feel better. One step at a time.

I hope you find this helpful! 

As always, I am sending good energy your way.

How to Cope Ahead

It’s October and fall is in the air. While some people look forward to this season—the clothes, the Charlie Brown specials, and pumpkin spice everything—others really struggle.

Many people will naturally start to make fewer plans and hunker inside at home as the months get colder and darker, and that can make some people feel lonely. And if you live in New England, these months can linger until April!

Because this change in seasons has the potential to wreak havoc on our moods, I wanted to share one of my favorite coping skills that can help during this time of year.

Coping ahead can be a tremendously helpful skill, and it’s one that often gets overlooked. Coping ahead is like getting your armor on before going into battle: If you know that the darker months are more challenging on your mood (which is the battle), why would you go forward without any prep work (armor)?

That’s where coping ahead comes in! If you know you are going into something challenging, think about what skills you might need to have or develop to cope through it. Having a game plan sets us up for success better than winging it.

So let’s talk through a good first step in that game plan, which I hope will help you start coping ahead for the fall and beyond: planning out some structure.

Those who know me know that I’m big on this! Having at least an outline of structure can give you options for how to get through a challenging time. What might you consider structure? Here are some ideas!

Make a list of friends you might want to see, and then make some plans. Coffee dates during the work day; snacks before heading home after work; or weekend gatherings at a friend’s house, a café, or your place (if you don’t mind hosting). Think about how much social time you’d like to have this fall, and start making those tentative plans now.

Another way to create structure ahead of time is to start making a list of fun movies or books to enjoy. You can also choose some cafés or libraries you’d like to go to, places where you can be around others while you have a treat, do some journaling, or listen to a podcast.

If you’re finding this hard, try going for treatment. Getting some real professional support is often the catalyst you need to start making progress faster and getting to where you want to go quicker. You can often obtain new approaches and ideas that enable you to feel more doing the things you know you should be doing, but can’t. 

Being around others even when we are alone can help improve our mood. And mapping out a tentative schedule can provide a sense of comfort and provide a more positive perspective before and during these fall and winter months.

PS If you are interested in learning more about the skills and strategies in this newsletter, among others, please check out my online course.

Skills to Help You Cope Through Loss

Coping through loss. Not a very fun sounding newsletter, is it?  But I think it’s an important and meaningful topic, and I hope this issue of the newsletter will help some of you. In recent months I have heard a lot about loss in my practice. Losing of loved ones, ending relationships, leaving college life and feeling shaky about what comes next, and moving on from friends and familiar places.  Loss comes in all different forms, but it’s always difficult. How the heck are we supposed to get through it?!
 
Regardless of what type of loss it is, emotions can overtake us and try to control what we do or don’t do. Disappointment, shock, depression, anger—they all call out to us in times of loss. And while these emotions are important to pay attention to, it is also important to pay attention to what we need to move through this pain we feel.
 
There are two skills that I have found particularly helpful in times of loss, and that I recommend you try too.
 
1). Set aside about 20 minutes (you can even set a timer if you want) and gather what you need to help you just be with whatever feelings arise. Get the aloe tissues ready, a glass of water to stay hydrated, a pillow to hug, or even stuffed animals (we won’t judge). 

Remember to be kind to yourself as you feel all those emotions.  And after that time limit, make sure you have something planned that helps you feel grounded. It could be watching something on Netflix, seeing a friend, taking a hot shower or bath, or listening to music you find soothing. Whatever it is, tend to yourself.

2). Structure can be your best friend in times of pain and loss. The last thing we need is to be on the couch in a dark room all day. (You can do that if you want, but refer to option 1 for some guidelines.) So give yourself some structure. Get out your weekly planner. If you don’t have one, make one. Look at your week and add in your work, school, family, and any other commitments you have to take care of. Then fill in the gaps. When do you want to see friends? When do you want to be alone and cry or journal? When do you want to watch TV or read that book you’ve been meaning to? When do you want to go for a walk or run? 

Scheduling yourself will create a structure that can help you move through emotions thoughtfully, kindly, and with built-in support. Of course, you can always move things around—nothing is ever set in stone. But knowing you have things to look forward to is so important. It’s part of being kind to yourself in a time of loss.

Going through a loss of any kind is a process. Emotions are important, and we need to create space to feel them so we can create space to heal. I hope you find these two methods of creating that space as helpful as I have.
 
Wishing you all good things.
 
Angela