Insights
In 2022, it is widely and thoroughly understood that the decision to quit smoking is a healthy one. The CDC’s lists of benefits that people enjoy upon quitting include boosted life expectancy; lowered risk of numerous health conditions, including cardiovascular disease and cancer; and even generally enhanced quality of life. Taking these benefits into account, it’s clear why quitting is so often framed as something of a “no-brainer” decision.
Here we are in the midst of holidays and nearing the end of 2021. I thought it would be helpful to talk about how to manage your stress during this time of year knowing that more families are getting together, more people are traveling, and well, the holidays can be stressful!
One strategy I have been talking most about in my practice over the past few months-gearing up for the holidays-has been self-compassion. When you practice self-compassion, you are being skillful and engaging in self-care.
Self-compassion is being warm and kind to yourself during a time of difficulty, failure, or feeling inadequate, rather than beating yourself up, listening to negative thoughts, or ignoring your feelings.
If you struggle with finding ways to manage your holiday stress and are quick to go down the negative thinking rabbit hole, try practicing self-compassion. It’s free, you can start today, and you only need to donate a few minutes each day (more of course if you can) to feel the results.
Here are some ways you can practice self-compassion:
Be gentle with yourself and catch those negative thoughts before they take over.
Instead of saying “I am an idiot, why did I do that,” try instead “I learn by doing, and I made a mistake. What can I learn from this experience?”
Think about what you would tell your best friend if they were in the same situation and then say that to yourself on repeat. If you are feeling stressed out because you can’t afford the big gift your loved one (such as a partner, parent, child, or friend) has been asking for, and are beating yourself up for it, would you tell your best friend “Well, suck it up buttercup. You are just going to have to buy the gift because they want it and you don’t want to disappoint them,” or would you say something more realistic and kind?
For example, I might tell my best friend, “I know you’d love to get them the big gift but financially it sounds too difficult right now. You are such a wonderful (partner, daughter/son, or parent) to want to get them the gift. Perhaps have them choose between two other gifts they want that are within your price range. Holidays are more than just the gifts we get.”
Set personal limits with family and friends.
You can’t be all things to all people.
You can set limits by creating boundary statements that help you say what it is you need.
“I would love to host this year but there is too much going on and I can’t make it happen. Someone else needs to host this year.”
“I would love to get dinner with you, but this week is hectic. I have more free time (next week/after the holidays/on Fridays) so let’s pick a time around then.”
Do something kind for yourself each day.
Go for a short walk, eat your favorite breakfast, or wear an outfit that makes you feel good.
Being kind and self-compassionate does not cost money but it does require time. Small amounts of time each day to focus on being kind to yourself while you navigate hard emotional obstacles will help you get through challenges with more ease.
Moving through heartache, grieving a loss, or dealing with hard emotions such as stress, anger, and disappointment are all a part of life. When we go through and feel these emotions, it seems as if these feelings will last forever and that we will never recover. And then, over time these feelings are less intense and subside. We learn to adapt and we recover.
That is the meaning of resilience.
If you are going through or have recently been through a challenging time, here are three key strategies to help you move forward and build your resilience along the way.
An Opportunity for Growth
With every problem, there is an opportunity for growth. Seeing the challenge as an opportunity rather than an ending allows you to see the failure, mistakes, or loss as a time of personal growth. Moving through the heartache, pain, or difficulty can help you see it as a time for you to find out more about who you are and how capable you are will naturally build resilience.
A Change in Mindset
Reframe your outlook to help you adopt and maintain perspective. When faced with emotional pain or frustration, this can feel like you are going to be in it forever. That thought alone can increase the severity of emotions someone is feeling, and make it worse. Reframing that perspective by challenging the thought will help you feel better, think more realistically, and build resilience. An example of a reframe would be, "I know it feels like this will be forever, and I know logically it's not. I have been through hard things before and came out OK. I know I will get through this too."
If you don’t know how to reframe a thought, think about what you would tell your best friend if they were in the same situation. Would you tell them "I hate to tell you but now is forever" or would you say something more realistic and kind? I bet on the latter. Whatever you'd say to your best friend, now say the same to yourself-- even if you have to say it on repeat until it starts to stick!
A Self-Care Routine
Create and engage in self-care. Taking care of yourself is important for refueling your wellbeing tank, and when going through a difficult time, making time for you will help you tolerate all the emotions you are feeling--and be able to get through the experience with more ease. Examples of self-care are getting a manicure, going for a walk, saying “no” when needed and setting limits, carving out alone time, texting or calling a friend, having a snack, reading for fun, or taking or an extra 10 minutes in the shower. It can be anything that helps you feel better.
Remember, you are stronger than you think! You’ve got this! As always, sending good energy your way
