Insights
There will be plenty of times when you genuinely want to attend an event, but anxiety makes you hesitate or pulls you back at the last minute. For many people, this shows up most strongly in crowded or overstimulating environments. If that sounds familiar, it doesn’t mean you have to choose between skipping the event entirely or forcing yourself to suffer through it.
We’re heading into another season, and it’s one that people either love—for all the pumpkin everything, leaf-peeping, and fun layered clothing options—or feel a sense of dread because of the cold weather and decrease in daylight which can really impact mood.
However, no matter what camp you fall into, whether you struggle with fall or you tend prance through the leaves and snow feeling happy, I encourage you to think about coping skills that might help you manage through what might be a particularly challenging change of seasons for everyone.
That’s because this fall may be very different from what we’re used to. It may be harder to visit loved ones outside, cold-weather activities (both indoor and outdoor) may be harder to do, and another stay-at-home order could happen unexpectedly in many communities.
When you can see a potential challenge like this coming down the pike, one of the best strategies to employ is coping ahead. Coping ahead is a strategy that will leave you feeling more in control of your emotions and better able to get through any challenges you might face. That’s because you will be going in prepared.
Once you have your toolbox of skills, incorporate them into your schedule now so your mood is more protected later on. If you do start to feel depressed or anxious, those habits will help cushion you, possibly preventing an extreme mood swing.
Here are some strategies you can practice for coping ahead over the next month.
Wake up at the same time every day. Consider having something fun to look forward to that helps with that process—a cup of coffee, your favorite breakfast, a hot shower, a call with a friend or family member. Keeping your sleep schedule consistent and having a routine in the morning will help your mood.
At the beginning of each day, ask yourself how you want to take care of you. Each day can bring a different answer based on what you need, which means you may have to use a different skill (which will help you keep them fresh). And asking yourself this question means that you are making yourself a priority!
Stay connected to your people. Those could be friends, family, loved ones, or your therapist. Plan a FaceTime call, online games with friends, or socially distant walks if that’s an option. Even if you feel like you don’t have the time, make the effort to stay connected. Depression and anxiety want you to isolate. And if you listen to them, those emotions will take over. If you truly don’t have the energy to leave your house or really don’t feel like talking, think about texting someone or FaceTiming over a movie. This will help you keep that bridge of communication open and help fight off any negative emotions without draining you.
Think about anything you can do that will create structure (outside of work) in your day-to-day and also holds your interest. Some ideas are taking an online class, joining a virtual book club, getting involved in a local association, or starting a recipe book. Think about what would help you create fun structure during your day, and then give it a try. Many of these activities may still be virtual, but seeing others (even over video) and having something to look forward to outside of the daily grind can have a positive impact on mood, especially as it’s getting darker out and we have to remain physically distant from each other.
If you like any of the skills above, write them down! Having a visual representation of your coping ahead toolbox will make it that much easier to access and remember to use. Put that list on your fridge, your desk, or even on your phone or laptop.
Remember: We are all in this together, and I am right there with you.
This month, I wanted to talk about why mantras or positive statements we repeat to ourselves can play an important part in helping us get through challenging times. Mantras can help us feel more centered, grounded, and empowered while we are feeling a bit scared, sad, or even angry.
In 2017, I discovered that one of my favorite singers (Ani DiFranco) would be performing in Edinburgh. I thought about how fun it would be to see her play and thought I could take this opportunity to make my first solo trip. Although I have flown alone many times, I had always had plans to meet someone on the other end before. But an entire week in Scotland ending with Ani sounded like the perfect adventure!
Until uncertainty and self-doubt emerged, I started to think, “What if I miss my connecting flight? What if I get lost? What if I feel awkward eating dinner alone? What if, what if, what if…”
I knew I wanted to go, but the thought of going also made me feel scared and anxious. I also knew that this challenge would be an opportunity to embrace fear and uncertainty—a great opportunity for personal growth. So that’s when I said to myself, “If something makes me anxious, I am going to do it anyway.” That has been my mantra ever since.
My new mantra helped me move through the fear and book the trip. I am so glad I did it because I had a blast. I met new people. I had dinner alone and loved it. I went on tours and walked around the city. I did not get lost, but I did almost miss my connection on the way back to Boston. I reframed that experience by saying, “If I miss my connection, I can spend a night in Ireland, which wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”
This new mantra has also helped me both personally and professionally.
In my personal life, I’ve been taking risks by joining clubs and attending different events on my own, something I might not have done before. I’ve made good friends out of those experiences. Now I also know that I enjoy dinners alone, and I feel confident taking more social risks.
On the professional side, I have created a blog, written for HuffingtonPost.com, Today.com Parenting, and ThriveGlobal.com. I’ve done interviews for Bustle.com, PopSugar.com, and many other national media outlets. I have agreed to be a guest on national podcasts and radio stations where I talked about stress and anxiety management. I have even written a stress management course called Breaking Everyday into Slivers Not Chunks: Practical Skills to Manage Every Day Stressors. Doing this work made me feel anxious, nervous, excited, and scared all rolled up into one. I’d never done any of these things before. And I said “yes” to it all.
Answering “yes” to such opportunities can lead to amazing experiences. But I know it also brings uncertainty and risk, which means I open myself up to fail. I just remind myself that if I do flub or bomb, then at least I’ll learn from it and possibly get a good story out of the experience!
I’ve learned that, sometimes, we have to experience some discomfort in order to grow. If it makes me anxious, I am going to do it anyway.
I’m not talking about being-alone-in-a-dark-alley-at-midnight type of anxiety where there is a likelihood of actual danger. I’m talking about when anxiety tries to convince us that the idea of failure is too strong to take a risk, and tries to force us to make a decision to not go for something we want.
If it makes me anxious, I am going to do it anyway. This is what I say to myself on a regular basis, and this way of thinking has served me well. I want to pass along this experience in case it helps others like it has helped me.
I encourage you to find a statement, quote, or mantra that you truly feel holds your feet to the fire when there is an opportunity to embrace uncertainty rather than run away from it.
